thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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