More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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