i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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