brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize