dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
