I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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