youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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