you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
