Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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