mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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