im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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