I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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