is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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