i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
