get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
