i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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