I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
