so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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