If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My cat gives me a boner
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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