is your mom at the bar?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do vagina's smell?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
