He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
