he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
