we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
