For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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