this beer tastes like vomit already
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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