You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
