I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
