ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
