Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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