i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
