At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
