I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
