I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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