we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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