if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
