I faked an abortion last night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
