Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
