I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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