we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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