Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
