If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
PANTIES FOUND
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