Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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