saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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