it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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