I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
