So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
