$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
