Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
