how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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