She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
