it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
