My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
