That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
