You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
