Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina is very pro this idea
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize