you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
