it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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