Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
