3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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