apparently the secret to your success is patron
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
