you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
