from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
