I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I party with great urgency now.
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