I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
