I hate all girls vehemently.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
