dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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