Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
