I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
