Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
