i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
