I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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