I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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