After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do herpes really smell.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
