Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
