What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
