finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
