I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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