thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
