I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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