come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize