You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
