Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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