good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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