He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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