she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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