I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
