I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
