I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize