Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
