I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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