I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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