I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
zippers are such a cool invention
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
