i just google imaged poop.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
