you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
