Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
