I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
