if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
