'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
