I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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