if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
