I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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