Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
