the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't deserve a penis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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