Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
