I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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