im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize